Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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