i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
