Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
