i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize