He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
