Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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