mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize