It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
