i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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