Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
