Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
