he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
