So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
