so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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