I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
