Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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