New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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