I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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