i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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