Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize