I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
