dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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