if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
