never play flip cup with pint glasses
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
