I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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