Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
