I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
