You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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