she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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