I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
