My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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