Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize