So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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