Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
