bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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