My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my shit smells like andre
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
