This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
