Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
