im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
