Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
