dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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