were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
