I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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