Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
