the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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