I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
