good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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