Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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