so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
