you have to choose: penises or morals?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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