I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
