More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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