Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
