i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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