New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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