SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
