I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
