Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
