hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
