batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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