You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
