I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
