She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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