I think my fart just growled at me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
