Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize