i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
