goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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