sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
