You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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