my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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