It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
