glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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