I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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