Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
