Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
