he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
